The Furrowed Brow (cont'd from Apr 22 post)

As I prepared to write this next segment of the Parallel Journey today, the Lord drew my attention to a familiar Scripture passage.  James, Chapter 1, verses 2-3 says, “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”  The passage goes on to say that persevering under trial eventually earns a “crown of life” from the Lord.  Please note that it does not say that the trials are a joy, but the end result.  We just saw in the last segment that Jesus “endured the cross, despising the shame,” for the extreme joy that would be his in the end (Heb. 12:2). 

But what I was experiencing in this journey wasn’t real, was it?  I had made a decision to press on with the journey into uncharted waters knowing that it would become much more difficult but had made a commitment to do it if it would honor the Lord.  But that was not real either…or was it?  I cannot speak dogmatically, but the Lord seems to be showing me that my experience was indeed real.

Consider this:  Few other experiences in my life do I remember in such detail, or have so impacted my thinking, or have so motivated my behavior as this one.  This raises an even deeper question.  If the parallel journey was as real as the physical one, was my protracted physical ordeal in intensive care the cause of my long trials in the parallel journey?  Or, is it possible that the necessity for the trials required my extended period of unconsciousness in ICU?  You be the judge as you read further.

Now, back to the journey...

In spite of the printed symbol that our friend had posted to the track car visors, I found myself losing focus and suddenly panicking, my eyes racing back and forth, until I located it again.  Each failure, I knew, was somehow counting against me and I would hear a loud alarm tone announcing my error.  Remember, I was trying to track these movements with what I’m calling the inner eyes – those with which I was observing everything in this awful place.  My physical eyes were, of course, tightly closed, especially during this time frame of medically induced paralysis.  

Also, I made a discovery that if I bit down on a plastic extension of the visor that was near my mouth, it enhanced the image of my target symbol, making it a little brighter or bolder than its distracting imposters.   But each succeeding test increased the difficulty of the challenge, mixing in different colors and varieties of symbols.  I learned to respond quickly when I heard the alarm only to discover that sometimes they were now sounding randomly to further confuse me. 

During some of the trials I saw what seemed to be two military type standards dueling fiercely with each other – one inside the pit thrusting over the wall toward the outside and the other outside the wall thrusting inward.  The outside one I saw stood for the Lord.  Its progress against the inside standard seemed to be directly linked to how well I was keeping my focus during the trials.  At one point a piece of the inside standard broke off and fell outside the wall.  It was as though I was in the midst of a battle, the outcome of which depended on my performance, which I now interpret as keeping my eyes, spiritually speaking, on Jesus. 

Each time that I began to improve at maintaining focus a new challenge would arise.  Now, my biting down on the visor extension was becoming less effective and my target symbol was fading.  However, I discovered that I could compensate simply by biting harder.  As the recurring tests dragged on and the pressure needed to compensate for the fading symbol increased, I decided to set a scale for myself of the biting effort ranging from 1 to 7.  I figured that I was already up to a 3, but felt I could go for a 7 if necessary.  But I could not afford to relax the bite because I had to be ready for the new test, which could start at any time.

Eventually, level 7 came and I realized that one more level might be needed before the battle was over.  I was certain that if I bit any harder on that piece of plastic, I would bite it in two!  Many days after I regained physical consciousness, I heard stories about what the medical staff and my family were calling the “furrowed brow.”  They told me that I was biting down on my breathing tube with such a clinched jaw that the expression on my face had become a continuous frown.  They were concerned that I might have had some kind of seizure or a stroke and called in a neurologist.  Of course, I knew immediately what the real story was and tried to explain to them what was going on.  The eye trials (or perhaps better: the battle of the symbols) phase of the journey ended inconclusively, and I found myself once again on my back facing more breathing trials.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:11-12 (NASB)

(to be continued…)