Every so often, as I meditate on my journey, I find
myself becoming depressed. While I want
to portray the experience as accurately as I can, it’s also true that dwelling
on the details too long can actually become oppressive unless I take time to
step back and try to keep everything in perspective. For me, the only real antidote for this is to
go to the refreshing water of the Word of God, and sometimes just to cry out to
Jesus in thanksgiving for setting me free from the tyranny of this spiritual
oppression.
Since last November, hardly a day has passed that I
haven’t spent some time thinking about the journey, replaying an event or scene
that comes to mind. When this happens, I’m
always seeking to understand better how each one of these might contribute to
the whole experience, how to interpret it in the light of the Scriptures and,
especially, how I should be responding to it. It definitely continues to be a work in
progress.
But one thing is for certain, my gratitude for what
Jesus suffered for me on the cross, my comprehension of the greatness of His love for me and my
understanding of the horrific future He
has rescued me from have reached a new and far deeper level than ever
before. When I pray now, for example, I
somehow sense being closer to the Lord and want to begin simply in thanking and
praising Him.
One of the challenges of relating the story of the
Parallel Journey has been discovering links between what I was experiencing and
what was happening with my treatment. For
instance, after I became conscious I heard sounds that were common in the ICU where
I lived for 3 weeks and realized that I had heard them before during my journey
where they had had very different meanings.
More important for me, though, has been to connect the
period of about 4 days when I was most heavily sedated and my body was medically
paralyzed to help it fight for recovery.
It was during this period that the medical staff worked around the clock
to save my life. Both they and my family
thought that I would not make it, but God graciously rescued me so that (at
least) I could tell you this story. It
is this next part of my journey that apparently took place during this most critical
time frame.
As you read and wonder in what state of consciousness
I might have been during this experience, keep in mind these few points: I had a full and continuing awareness of what
was happening, there were no discontinuities from the beginning of the journey
to its end, and I had the sense that it extended over a period of several days.
As I was about to begin the second phase of the
journey, I realized that it was a turning point – no longer just an adventure, but
a commitment – and possibly going beyond the point of no return. I would pray more than once that if this
experience would help me do a better job of warning others about Hell, I was
willing to go through it. That prayer
would grow stronger and deeper along the way.
Now, the trials would begin…
Even
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for
You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Ps. 23:4
(to be continued…)
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